led by emotions, not by logic

I know what's good for me on a basic level

I also know what's not good for me.
And yet these are the things I desire and in the end go after - while neglecting my life's necessities.

A consistent time with God.
Yea, not really there anymore.
I've been trying.
but it's just not happening.

I'm not good at motivating myself to do things that are good for me.
But when they are for others, or for a deadline - that's different.

Maybe I've been going about this the wrong way.
Maybe devotions shouldn't be for myself - but to better myself so that God can use me for others.

it's true

unfortunately it's not enough to motivate me.

i'm pathetic really. I can't even convince myself to do 5 minutes of reading my bible a day. Did I mention that I have an accountability partner that checks up on my devotions every week?
I'm hopeless!!

If I can't be dedicated to being with you every day, then I won't be dedicated enough to do your work, Lord.
my personal relationship will determine my physical out - pouring.
Yea, maybe I'll still do the 'good works'. But I will not remember why... I will not truly know.

I don't know you anymore , Lord.
You have become a distant old friend - a pleasant memory - but I haven't been doing a good job of keeping in touch.
You send me little gifts, little notes, little reminders, all great Blessings. but I only reply with the occasional thank you card...
I don't ask how you are, I don't inquire about what you have been doing in the world lately.
and then, when i'm in trouble, I call on you. I try to use you.

Why can't I be the kind of friend to YOU that I am to my friends here.

and even though I ask these questions.
and know what would help.
I have done nothing.