catching up...

Everyday I have a thought about something that I want to post here. Some theory I have, or observation I've made...
and then I finally make it to my computer and all my desire and motivation to write is gone.
so, to make up for lost time, here are snippets of all the things I've wanted to write about lately. None of them are supposed to be related...


it is extremely windy this evening. and last night I had the urge to walk home in the freezing rain (a gracious ride from my father kept that urge at bay)

study table etiquette at the library is like urinal etiquette in a men's bathroom - except during finals week when you just hope you can find one open

I've been noticing lately that the phrase "we are our parents" is true. I'd like to think I'm a pleasant blend of the two.

I think God rewards us for faithfulness, and I also believe that our blessings are not just for ourselves, or our own work. A blessing given to me may be so that I can pass other blessings to others. in other words, I'm not ashamed of what I've been given, and I hope to be a good steward of it all.

I have amazing sisters, and I've realized that I really love being home. even when the fighting is there just as much as it used to be, it's pleasant and familiar in a way.

also on family, I never realized to what great extent we don't put a show on for our immediate family - and to what extent we DO for everyone else. everyone is an actor in their own life

I don't want to drink until I'm 21. I've always had somewhat of this mentality, because of my fathers morals really. But when the opportunities increased, I realized that I didn't have the will power. Then someone other than my father, someone I had a lot of respect for, said they waited - and wanted me to wait. Drinking isn't a big deal, but I want to be able to say I waited till I was legal. I've had a small drink here and there in the past, but not anymore. I have 6 months. hell, if I can wait this one out with all the opportunities present, maybe I can be confident on waiting for sex too! (mostly meant in pun)

I have a grudge problem. enough said

I don't think men realize it, and I don't think most women want to admit it, but women think about sex, too. and sometimes, a lot! we lust, we have fantasies, and when men flaunt their bodies in front of us it drives us crazy! no one can be singled out for blame, though. some girls (a lot of girls) get a high out of making a guy lust a little. it's a sin, don't cause your brother to fall, but like all sins it is desirable.

on that note: the church doesn't know how to talk about sex - and by this I don't just mean the building and the staff that go along with it, I mean the people that make up the body of Christ

I play games with myself to test my will-power. Over the past year I've been improving significantly. I'm proud of myself.

I have a crush... I admit it. I'm allowed. but that's all it is and nothing more

should the focus on the environment be on micro issues or macro issues. I say macro. I mean, of course both - but definitely more macro.

that's all for now...

cheers

Cats - a new perspective

I have never been a cat person

Cats are unpredictable, sneaky, not loving, and just plain mean.
Last night, however, I had to face my prejudices head on.

I was staying overnight at the home of some friends from church, though they were not home themselves.
I slept in the younger girls' room, which also happens to be the room that the cat likes to hang out in.
When a cat gets near me I get really nervous. I don't know what to do, how to pet it, and I get really scared that it's going to lash out and scratch me if I make any wrong move. It was late, however, and it was nuzzling me as I sat up in bed (I was still too nervous at this time to lie down). Slowly, I began to trust that the cat has no intentions of hurting me - she just kept rubbing her face and head against me and arching her back to let me stroke her. eventually I did lie down and she left to go stalk the house. In the middle of the night, I heard her wining at the door (I had shut it) so I got up to let her in. She followed me back to bed and hopped up - but this time I wasn't nervous of how she would react to my actions. It was dark and I couldn't see her, but she always put her head directly into my hand. I trusted her to accept my company, and she trusted me to give it.


This could very well just be one nice cat and all the rest I meet may be as mean as I've always imagined them to be. But I think now I will approach cats differently and at least give them a chance. After all, a cat seems to be less work to take care off - maybe having a cat would actually be quite enjoyable.

this would probably be the appropriate time to turn this into a metaphor for other prejudices... but I figure you all can fill in the blanks yourself.

dwellings of late

Jesus is not really who I thought he was... and I was so sure I was on the right track

I'm convinced that environmental action on a large scale is more important than on a small scale... but does that mean we can disregard it on a small scale?

what is more important.. doing or being. I want to say being - but how can anything good get done without also doing?

designating responsibility to others is hard



I don't know what to do with my life and it's driving me absolutely bonkers - because since I don't know what i want to do with my life, I can't choose my courses for next semester

Schoolness

On Campus...

classes start tomorrow

recruiting for clubs tonight

get people excited about being GREEN


and so it begins...

stresssucks

I'm stressed

that's the gist of it.

second guessing

I've done a lot of that this summer.
Re-thinking my morals, my standards, even my desires.

Why do I condemn weed and condone cigars - before it had to do with the law. But if you take it down from a legal level and put it on a moral level, who is to say that the law is right? Weed is just as bad as tobacco or alcohol (or even less so) - but alcohol and tobacco are associated with the white upper class and weed generally isn't - therefore tobacco and alcohol are legal and weed is not because it best suits the parties in power. So, should my decision to smoke or not to smoke be based on a legal system that's one-sided? I like to enjoy a cigar every once and a while (since having my first about a year and a half ago with my MY teammates) but I have never given in to weed. Unfortunately I can't even convince myself that I have good reason not to because the best one I have (that it's just not good for you) would mean no smoking cigars either.

Anyhow, I don't have a particularly strong desire to smoke weed - I just don't like that I can't even prove to myself that I should or shouldn't.

It's HOT

Incase I was starting to forget that it was summer, God decided to send some hot and humid weather this way - lovely.