2 days

Tomorrow i fly to Chicago - then Monday I fly to Ethiopia.

I have everything I need

I'll be packing pretty light - considering most of my checked bag will be housing 4 soccer balls that we are bringing to an orphanage. I figure if I ensure the room for the soccer balls on the way there - I'll have plenty of room for souvenirs on the way back :)

I'm excited
nervous
anxious
thrilled
etc
etc
etc

I almost just want to be back already - I'm so excited for the experience - but my nerves are getting to me and triggering my gag-reflex (usually triggered by over-excitement - no fun!)

oh well.

Ethiopia

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!

Ethiopia

In less than a month I will be traveling to Ethiopia.

While I was growing up I always thought the ultimate destination was Africa - the ultimate place to go. and now, finally, I'm going. The only things that are reminding me that it's real now are the gross payments I've already had to make. But it's happening.

I'm excited, though potentially a little overwhelmed. I have some applications for scholarships due on the 15th of January, and we won't be arriving back in the states till the 15th (a week into school). And because these applications involve professors at school, I must then complete them before I fly home next friday. This is daunting, considering the 2 papers, 1 take home final, and 1 other final that still lay ahead of me. But it will either get done, or it won't. and life will go on. and I will go to Ethiopia and return. and continue with my classes and my work just as before - but hopefully not just as before.

value battles

“The dissenting disciple refuses to join in the pitched battles over abortion, “family values,” and rights for those who are either straight or gay, recognizing that these battles are pernicious, exaggerated in rhetoric, and reductionistic in their simplified positions, and that they end in denying the humanity, worth, and preciousness of those viewed as the opponents. The dissenting disciple knows that there are legitimate concerns on both sides that must be listened to, respected, confronted, and honored."

David Augsburger
Dissident Discipleship
Pg. 209

An excerpt from my non-electronic journal

Everything was gray in the forest today. Aftermath of the flood. Thin layers of dry mud coat all the underbrush. A stiff press-and-drag on the foliage reveals the true green hue beneath. The air is haunted. quiet. gray. Not the usual load of trash - but lots of glass. There is always lots of glass. Stuck in the mud-the thick mud that still coats the forest floor. We wondered how the animals did in the rising waters. The squirrels probably took cover in the trees. The birds and chipmunks too. But the deer, what happened to the deer? they are still there - we saw several-but did they escape the waters or did they wallow in them the whole time - clenching their jaws to fight off the cold. Perhaps the deer too were coated in grey, dry mud but have since rinsed themselves in the shrinking river. The forest looks different every time we go.

I've been having a lot of personal conversations lately. Deep in the sense of digging deep into my own thoughts and feelings and sharing them - not necessarily deep intellectually. Or deep in the sense that I talked comfortably about things I usually never mention or skirt around.

It's been good, though. Low key, reflective, slightly vulnerable, yet not scary vulnerable because I was always around people I loved and trusted. They were never big-deal-profound-life-transforming talks. Just pillow chat and the like.

..............

as I was writing this my roommate came up behind me and started rubbing my back and chatting again - that's love. talking and healing touch.

wisdom?

I think I'm beginning to learn how to be a better person...
not from a book or a person or a class... but rather from time and experience
(no, I don't claim to be a wise young women - only wiser than I was perhaps)

I am no longer a slave to my emotions (or at least most of the time)
I truly believe that I have something valuable to offer,
and therefore have gained confidence in myself.
I can see benefits in all that I do, in all the classes I take,
and in that I find excitement and energy (even with Chemistry!)
I feel honored to have the friends and relationships that I do,
and I can now know accept that I am not unworthy of their friendship - I have something to contribute,
I am enjoyed

still to learn - or to find out if I have learned:
I am no benefit to the world if I insist on doing everything myself
it is ok to fail, and for something I'm associated with to fail,
if it leaves room for greater improvements.
I must schedule in substantial free time - I must not
use the excuse of "no time to spare" when it comes to other people.
clubs, organizations, events - much of my time is devoted to these things -
but what about time for spontaneous loving

spontaneous love - that's a good love - I like that love

and then comes to mind - patiently acting
not everything I do here will grow to be a resounding success...
perhaps success will have to come after I am long gone - but what
I do for that dream now is still just as important.

act patiently. Don't attempt to make things happen out of fear of failure,
but rather do things out of the hope of possibility

on west coast time...

Being on the east coast, but still on west coast time, means that there are quite a few hours between when everyone goes to bed, and when I get tired. This leaves me with a lot of time to think - and waste time on the internet.

my hopes were that this would mean I'd pull out some sweet, profound meanderings.

apparently that was not to be...

all i have for you is this

this school year is going to Kick My Arse
I'm scared shitless
but I'll survive it
I always do